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Relationship violence is a public health crisis.

An estimated in the U.S. are exposed to domestic violence each year. According to the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than a quarter of girls and 15% of boys experience some form of intimate partner violence鈥攕uch as sexual assault, physical abuse or stalking鈥攂efore age 18. Children and teens who experience dating violence or who are exposed to domestic violence at home are at higher risk for mental health problems. And, because of their past trauma, they are more likely than other young people to experience abusive relationships as adults.

Across California, public health advocates are working to prevent violence before it begins. Among them are hundreds of young people who are sparking conversations in their schools and communities about what healthy relationships should look like and how to recognize abusive behaviors. The California Health Report spoke with six of these youths about their activism and the experiences that motivate them. All saw an urgent need to help more young people recognize abusive behaviors in themselves and others. Doing so, they said, can play a critical role in breaking the cycle of violence.

An Escape to Hope and Safety

Home was not a safe place for Marissa Williams growing up. From the time she was in sixth grade, Williams remembers watching her mom and stepdad argue violently. The disagreements often involved physical abuse.

Starting in middle school, Williams did everything she could to avoid being near her stepfather. She desperately wanted her mom to leave him, but the years passed and the violence escalated.

鈥淚 definitely remember being scared,鈥� Williams, now 18, recalled. 鈥淚 never wanted to go home. You never knew what kind of day he鈥檇 had and what kind of mood he鈥檇 be in.鈥�

School was her haven. To avoid being home, Williams enrolled in many after-school activities.

Finally, in 2016, her life changed. Her mom left her stepfather and moved with Williams from the Bay Area to San Diego to start a new life. Williams calls San Diego her 鈥渟aving grace.鈥�

That was where Williams heard about a storytelling workshop facilitated by the Berkeley-based , which helps individuals and organizations tell stories to inspire social change. She鈥檇 never spoken with anyone outside her family about the abuse she鈥檇 witnessed. But over several sessions, Williams began to open up. What emerged was a script and video that captures not only the pain and sadness of her past, but also her resilience and hope for the future. The video was featured in a virtual in early April.

鈥淢y intention with the video was to communicate that a traumatic experience does not define who you are,鈥� Williams said. 鈥淵ou get to choose what your life is going to be like.

鈥淚 definitely could have chosen to be bitter and angry, but I鈥檓 not. I鈥檓 choosing to be happy now and joyful and appreciate everything that I have.鈥�

To other young people stuck in difficult situations, Williams offers this:

 鈥淟ife is choice,鈥� she said. 鈥淐ontinue fighting and do not give up.鈥�

A Painful Early Lesson Drives This Student to Help Others

Ben Salemme was a freshman at James C. Enochs High School in Modesto when he heard an announcement about a club focused on preventing violence in teen relationships. Other students in his class didn鈥檛 seem too interested, but Salemme couldn鈥檛 wait to join.

Though barely 14 at the time, teenage dating violence was very real for Salemme. In eighth grade, he got involved in what he now understands was a toxic relationship. He experienced emotional abuse and blackmail, and became isolated from his friends. The situation got so bad that his college-age sister traveled home from San Diego to persuade him to break up with the girl he was dating.

鈥淭hat was the lowest point that I鈥檝e ever been in in my life,鈥� Salemme said. 鈥淚t鈥檚 the thing that motivates me the most to keep going in my activism.鈥�

Now 17, Salemme is a youth leader with the , a school-based, youth-led adolescent relationship abuse prevention program run by Haven Women鈥檚 Center of Stanislaus. With other youth leaders from nearby high schools, he delivers presentations about dating violence and healthy relationships during health classes, school assemblies, and youth conferences. He鈥檚 helped create short films and skits about sexual assault and dating violence for community events. And he鈥檚 contributed to a that discusses jealousy in relationships and media portrayals of romance.

Salemme wishes he could share the information he now presents with his 13-year-old self. He would have ended his middle school relationship much sooner, he said. Adults often tell him they would have benefitted from learning about dating violence as teenagers too.

鈥淵ou should have at least one day (in school) where someone talks about what healthy relationships are supposed to look like,鈥� he said. 鈥淚 know there are thousands of schools across the nation where teens are not getting this type of education, and teens will continue to suffer.鈥�

Helping Youth Talk About Teen Dating Violence

Zara Ahmed became interested in preventing dating violence during high school. She was alarmed by some of the dating behaviors she saw other students engage in, such as pushing another person to have sex before they were ready, or trying to exert control. She was also outraged by the rape case involving Stanford University swimmer Brock Turner, who received what many people regard as a lenient 6-month jail sentence for assaulting an unconscious woman.

Now 19, Ahmed is a youth leader with , a Fremont-based organization that works to educate other young people about healthy relationships. Every year, the group holds a day-long program for area students about a different relationship-related subject. Past topics have included how to have honest conversations with a romantic partner, dismantle gender stereotypes, empower LGBTQ+ students, take care of one鈥檚 mental health and more.

This year the summit, called Symbiosis, is happening online because of COVID-19.

鈥淚t鈥檚 a really big thing to have an event for the youth, that celebrates the youth and is also made by the youth,鈥� Ahmed said.

Ahmed and other team members also give presentations at local schools. And they strive to educate themselves about healthy relationship topics through biweekly discussions facilitated by staff mentors at SAVE, a domestic violence crisis center in Fremont.

The knowledge Ahmed has gained as a youth leader has allowed her to help friends in troubled relationships, and to 鈥渃reate conversations between me and my peers that we wouldn鈥檛 otherwise be having,鈥� she said.

From Supportive Friend to Youth Mentor

Rosalio Castellanos was 15 when his mom, Lyona Smith-Kinsey, an advocate for domestic violence survivors, began talking to him about 鈥渞ed flags鈥� to look out for in relationships.

鈥淒on鈥檛 rush into dating,鈥� she鈥檇 tell him. 鈥淕et to know a person first before getting serious. Watch how they treat their family and friends, because that gives you clues about how they鈥檒l treat you. Set boundaries and know your worth.鈥�

At first, the lessons seemed abstract. But in his sophomore year at Oakland School for the Arts, Castellanos noticed one of his friends was dating a boy who constantly talked down to her. The boy tried to stop her from seeing her friends and told her that no one else would date her. Major red flags, Castellanos thought.

鈥淲hen I saw that, it really hurt me,鈥� he said. 鈥淚鈥檇 never want to see any teen or anybody be hurt like that.鈥�

So he decided to intervene. He shared the lessons his mom had taught him with his friend, and pointed out that the relationship wasn鈥檛 healthy. After successfully convincing her to leave her boyfriend, other friends started asking Castellanos for advice about their dating troubles.

Now 17 and living in Sacramento, Castellanos volunteers as a teen mentor. Late last year, he became a Youth Leader for  in Sacramento, a nonprofit agency serving women and children affected by domestic violence, sexual assault, and human trafficking. He talks with teens who have experienced dating violence, unhealthy friendships, or violence in their homes. He helps guide them to resources and reassures them that they鈥檙e not alone. One day, he hopes to become an advocate like his mom.

鈥淚 want to help people speak out and get help if they need it,鈥� he said. 鈥淚 want them to feel more confident and not feel so scared 鈥� and to realize they don鈥檛 have to keep everything to themselves.鈥�

Creating a Safe Space for Teens

Kaile Fernandes, 16, knows what it鈥檚 like to grow up around violence, and to be ashamed to talk about it. For years, she witnessed abuse in her home, but was too scared to tell her friends, assuming they wouldn鈥檛 understand.

That changed when, two years ago, she became a youth advocate with the . There, she was introduced to other teenagers who had experienced domestic violence.

鈥淚t was the first time I felt comfortable talking about my situation,鈥� she said.

Fernandes said she felt 鈥渓ike I was finally being heard, like I had a voice.鈥�

Fernandes wants other young people to have a safe space to talk about intimate partner violence, and to learn about healthy relationships. After participating in a with other youth advocates last summer, she came up with to start a club at South Pasadena High School, which she attends. The club is designed to give students an opportunity to learn about and discuss violence prevention, and to share their own experiences.

鈥淚 want to make sure I can help end the causes of violence,鈥� Fernandes said. 鈥淣o one should go through it.鈥�

Teaching body safety and Boundaries Through Video Arts

Estrella Torres has been using her love of singing, acting, and making videos to spread the word about healthy relationships and how to recognize harassment since she was 12. Her first role was starring in a for children about body safety, which she worked on with her sister, Julie, and mom, Jennifer, a community educator at the Center For A Non Violent Community in Sonora.

Now an eighth grader in the Connections Visual and Performing Arts Academy at Summerville High School in Tuolumne, Torres, 14, is a youth mentor with the center. She helps write scripts about healthy relationships and violence prevention for middle school students, including a . She鈥檚 also editing videos about healthy relationships for a Tuolumne-based youth coalition.

Torres spoke at a local on healthy relationships in February, and participated in between California youth and legislators organized by the California Partnership to End Domestic Violence.

At school, Torres said friends often ask her for advice about how to handle relationship issues and difficult interactions with peers. She helps them recognize unhealthy behaviors like jealousy and body-shaming, and advises students to find a trusted adult such as a teacher or staff member, to speak to if a situation is serious.

鈥淪exual harassment and situations similar to those do happen,鈥� she said. 鈥淵ou should know there is someone you can talk to.鈥�

This story was produced in partnership with the聽听补苍诲听.