猫咪社区

White people find my halo of gravity-defying hair irresistible to the touch. I don鈥檛 mind as long as they ask before they cop a feel, but they usually don鈥檛. So after years of enduring this overfamiliarity from everyone from the stranger behind me in the checkout lane to a middle-aged male dental hygienist, I came up with a strategy.

Now when that unbidden White hand starts creeping toward my head, mine starts creeping toward theirs. I go as far as they go. They usually flinch back, and then resignedly lean into my touch, laughing with recognition as their faux pas鈥攖heir microaggression鈥攕inks in. I laugh along with them鈥攂ecause let鈥檚 keep it light, right?鈥攁nd with a little thrill of victory. Teachable moment, for the win!

Unfortunately, unsanctioned hair touching is the only microaggression that I have an effective, emotionally non-burdensome response for. I鈥檓 not the only one with such a limited repertoire. I tried tapping my social network to see how other people effectively dealt with microaggressive interactions and got precisely zero feedback鈥攖hough, admittedly, just tweeting about them seems to work for some people. Many of the ideas I found online seemed to be intended for use in a fantasyland, where White people are eager learners, unafraid of Black, Indigenous, and people of color (BIPOC), and need actual reasons to call the cops on us. Other tips violated a seminal rule of BIPOC-ness: thou shalt not waste emotional labor educating White people about stuff they should already know or can Google.

Finally, I turned to the experts.

Microaggression is classically defined as, 鈥渂rief and commonplace daily verbal, behavioral, or environmental indignities, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative racial slights and insults toward people of color.鈥� The term was coined around the late 1960s, early 1970s, after the Civil Rights era, when visible and violent expressions of racism were eclipsed by subtler incarnations. Now broadened to include all marginalized groups and their many intersections, 鈥渕icroaggression鈥� has become something of a buzzword within the social justice arena.

And as with most buzzwords, the meaning gets diluted at best and ignored at worse. But that doesn鈥檛 erase the harmful impact. In his new book, How to Be an Antiracist, Ibram X. Kendi stridently insists that microaggressions are nothing but 鈥渞acial abuse鈥� and should be called that.

Most experts agree on the frequency and continual fallout of microaggressions for the 鈥溾�� of BIPOC who endure them.

Derald Wing Sue, Ph.D., a professor of psychology and education at Columbia University and scholar in the field, writes that microaggressions cause frustration, self-doubt, anxiety, and cumulative emotional, psychic, and spiritual burden. Unlike macroaggressions, large-scale, overt aggressions that mostly occur at the systems level, Sue writes, microaggressions are interpersonal, and often occur in academic and professional settings.

Joy Petway, a licensed social worker in Maryland, has witnessed these responses in some of her Black female clients.

It can be difficult to distinguish microaggressions from typical rudeness.

Workplace microaggressions are common, Petway says.

鈥淎nd because of that, there is increased anxiety鈥� over-trying to perfect what one is producing, being 鈥榦n鈥� [and] internalizing negative messaging,鈥� she says. 鈥淯ntangling these messages while also trying to find motivation to go into places of work that often aren’t feeding mind, body, soul, becomes a very difficult thing to maneuver.鈥�

Despite the evidence, there are nonbelievers who contend that the notion of microaggressions is simply out-of-control political correctness. This argument itself is a microinvalidation鈥攐ne of three categories of microaggressions identified by Sue. Microinvalidation, basically ignores the lived experiences of historically marginalized groups. That perennial favorite, 鈥淚 don鈥檛 see color鈥濃�攕omething well-meaning White folks say, often defensively when they are called out on a prior microaggression鈥攁lso falls into this category.

鈥淲hat they鈥檙e in essence saying is that they don鈥檛 want to judge people on the color of their skin,鈥� Sue says. 鈥淲hat they don鈥檛 realize [is] recognizing me as an Asian American is important, because it鈥檚 an intimate aspect of my racial, cultural identity.鈥�

It can be difficult to distinguish microaggressions from typical rudeness using empirical methods. This is because BIPOC are enculturated to anticipate microaggressions from White people, because according to Sue, they 鈥渄o not view themselves as racist or capable of racist behavior,鈥� and lived experience is hard to prove with empirical methods.

鈥淭he question therefore is, whose reality is the most accurate reality?鈥� Sue says. 鈥淪ocial psychologists have provided research to indicate that the reality of people who are most marginalized or oppressed is most accurate as to the oppression that is going on.鈥�

This makes sense, he continues, because people from marginalized communities are in a position where they must understand the people who 鈥渉ave the power and privilege鈥� to succeed socially, academically, and professionally. White people鈥攊n particular cis-gendered, heterosexual White men鈥攕imply do not. 鈥淭he implication is clear to me that people who most have their voices oppressed and silenced are the ones who have to be heard. … So it would be incumbent upon White individuals to really be nondefensive and listen and try to understand [the impact their behavior has on people of color].鈥�

And this is where the influence of power, privilege, and oppression really works against individuals. So it would be incumbent upon White individuals to really be nondefensive and listen to try to understand what is going on. Because people of color know that microaggressions are occurring, but it鈥檚 completely invisible to those individuals who are what we call perpetrators.

鈥淭he power of racial microaggressions lies in their invisibility to the perpetrator.鈥�

So how does one disarm microaggressions without exceeding their emotional bandwidth?

Denise Evans, a certified facilitator of implicit bias and cultural intelligence workshops in West Michigan, uses wittiness to disarm microaggressions, of which she has experienced many. For example, when a White person 鈥渃ompliments鈥� Evans, who is Black, for being well-spoken or articulate, she responds in kind.

鈥淚 have said, 鈥楾hank you very much, so are you,鈥欌�� says Evans. She then asks, with a smile, why they felt the need to say anything, including a list of possible reasons in her question: Is it because she鈥檚 a native New Yorker? A woman? Black?

鈥淎nd I literally wait for [an] answer,鈥� she says. 鈥淚 give people their microaggression and their implicit biases back in a pretty box with a nice bow on it. I hand it to you, and I wait for you to open it and tell me what you see.鈥�

Evans is at heart an educator and uses these teachable moments, she says, to expose the unconscious associations people have. For example, linking 鈥淎frican American鈥� and 鈥渦neducated鈥� or 鈥渨omen鈥� and 鈥渁ssistant.鈥� This is an approach rooted in the hidden-bias research of Harvard University psychologist, Mahzarin Rustum Banaji. Human brains may instinctively make associations for survival, Evans says, but we can choose to dismantle them.

鈥淎ll the research tells us that our brains are malleable and that we can form new synapses. I feel like it鈥檚 my responsibility to help disrupt what鈥檚 happening in your amygdala,鈥� Evans says, tongue in cheek. 鈥淟et me just help you separate some of these thoughts real quick.鈥�

Her approach typically results in White bewilderment, not fragility or combativeness, she explains.

I know that I would feel uncomfortable responding to microaggressions so directly. Avoidance is a legit strategy in the case of possible physical harm, but my silence usually stems from my being too stunned to generate a snappy comeback or not being entirely convinced that I was actually 鈥渕icroaggressed.鈥�

There鈥檚 no statute of limitations on addressing microaggressions.

And I鈥檓 not alone.

This is apparently common among targets of microaggressions, and this confusion is a significant part of why they are so damaging. 鈥淭he power of racial microaggressions lies in their invisibility to the perpetrator and oftentimes to the recipient,鈥� Sue, and colleagues, wrote in a 2007 article. And this is why a key strategy for dealing with microaggressions is 鈥渕aking the invisible visible.鈥�

By 鈥渘aming鈥� a microaggression, a concept Sue borrows from Paulo Freire鈥檚 seminal work, Pedagogy of the Oppressed, we are able to undercut its power and expose metacommunication behind it.

For example, pointing out that 鈥渨here are you from?鈥� is really code for 鈥測ou aren鈥檛 American enough鈥� or 鈥淚 have Black friends鈥� really means 鈥渨hat I just said isn鈥檛 racist and neither am I鈥� social worker Petaway says. And doing this doesn鈥檛 have to be educational or immediate, she adds.

Sometimes it鈥檚 as simple as saying, 鈥測our bias is showing鈥� and walking away, a response Evans often has to microaggressions, especially those from women.

But the burden of responding shouldn鈥檛 solely rest with the target of the microagression.

Writer Leslie C. Aguilar鈥檚 suggests targets or bystanders can just say 鈥淥uch!鈥� Interrupting and redirecting conversations heading toward biased territory with, 鈥淲hoa! Let鈥檚 not go there!鈥� can also do the trick, particularly when delivered by allies who share commonalities with the speaker.

Aguilar鈥檚 suggestion resonates most with me. Unlike Evans, who is an ordained minister and educator, I don鈥檛 feel a calling to educate perpetrators. I already manage depression and anxiety, and now they鈥檝e just said something that hurts. Why should I have to sink more emotional labor into an already fraught situation?

But research indicates that avoidance, when there is no threat of bodily harm, may not be the best course of action and that eschewing resignation brings rewards, including feelings of bravery, dignity, and self-efficacy.

There鈥檚 also the bonus that I鈥檓 less likely to mull over the situation ad infinitum.

However, Petway assures me, I can respond when I want, how I want. There鈥檚 no statute of limitations on addressing microaggressions.

鈥淚t’s really taking back our time and focusing on our boundaries,鈥� she explains.

If it鈥檚 not addressed in the moment, that doesn鈥檛 mean it can鈥檛 be addressed later.

鈥淭here is no one asking you to give beyond the wellspring that you have,鈥� Petway says. 鈥淪o if you don鈥檛 have it to give, then do not give [it].鈥�