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A Tale of Two Karens
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In some ways, Karen Cotter and Karen Ward seem fated to have become friends鈥攖wo Karens from Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania, who share the same middle name, and both with husbands named John. Their birthdays are five days apart, and both are seasoned at dealing with conflict. Ward is a retired police officer, and Cotter is a dispute-resolution mediator.
Even so, their relationship seems miraculous, even impossible, because, as Ward says, the two disagree 鈥渙n pretty much everything political.鈥� In today鈥檚 America, such differences are more likely to end relationships than forge them.
But in 2018, in the midst of growing national discord, Cotter and Ward found each other after Ward read Cotter鈥檚 letter in the local paper. Cotter put out an open call searching for others willing to help bridge divisions in the community. The town had recently become embroiled in , one that drew national attention, after a local bridal shop refused to sell a wedding dress to a lesbian couple.
鈥淚 noticed that everything was conflating into politics, no matter what the issue was, and I was really worried about potential violence,鈥� Cotter says. 鈥淭hat was my main motivator. I could see that Donald Trump had the potential to really use demagogic rhetoric and inflame base sorts of passions. And I was seeing it happen in real time, so that鈥檚 what initiated me writing that letter.鈥�
Several people responded, but ultimately it was Cotter and Ward who wanted to move forward鈥攁 progressive liberal who supported Hillary Clinton in 2016 and her new friend, a conservative Christian with deep loyalties to Donald Trump.
Knowing the work ahead would be challenging, Cotter suggested they join , an organization formed after the 2016 election to 鈥渘ot just depolarize politics, but to reimagine what it means to be American.鈥� (The organization was formerly named Better Angels, drawing on the line from Abraham Lincoln鈥檚 First Inaugural Address.)
鈥淲e were able to just go to the website and follow the plan they had and have our first workshop,鈥� Ward says. 鈥淭hey rest, as they say, is history.鈥�
Braver Angels’ bring together equal numbers of liberal- and conservative-leaning Americans for structured conversations to help both sides better understand one another, find commonalities, and learn something they can apply in their own communities.
鈥淚 think we鈥檙e one of the only organizations trying to provide a positive way for people to come together to essentially try to hold the country together,鈥� says Ciaran O鈥機onnor, chief marketing officer at Braver Angels.
鈥淚t starts with individual relationships,鈥� he says, which is why Braver Angels draws heavily on techniques used in couples and family therapy to help people build trust and find their common humanity.
Cotter and Ward deploy these same strategies regularly and reliably in their own conversations, establishing a time frame and topic for their calls, giving each other equal time to share their views, asking one another to clarify, and echoing what they鈥檝e heard from the other to ensure the understanding is there.
鈥淭hat reflecting back is something that I probably will be working on for a long time,鈥� Ward says, 鈥渂ut the point is that you do listen and hear what the other person said. If you reflect it back and it鈥檚 not what they said, they have the opportunity to correct what you heard or what you thought you heard.鈥�
Over the past two and half years, Ward and Cotter have served as Braver Angels鈥� debate coordinators, event moderators, and now state coordinators who are working to increase participation in the organization in their home state of Pennsylvania.
Both say their relationship has deepened over time, and they鈥檙e in touch with one another almost daily by phone, email, and now Zoom. They鈥檝e come to know the other鈥檚 political views and belief systems, and also their deeper private lives. They consider one another close friends, not merely collaborators.
While the intimacy in their relationship has grown, their political views remain static. Ward believes Trump won the 2020 election, and widespread voter fraud has been brushed aside to favor Biden. Cotter believes Biden won the election legitimately, and she trusts in the legal system that declined to hear dozens of cases from the Trump campaign contesting election results across the country.
In Zoom calls the Karens recorded in December and January, the two friends describe the conclusions they鈥檙e coming to. They try to understand each other, and they admit their differences. Often, Cotter makes sure to end on a positive note after marveling at how far apart they are politically.
鈥淲e can talk until we鈥檙e blue in the face. We can yell at each other,鈥� Cotter says. 鈥淏ut when it comes down to it, it鈥檚 that respect for each other as a fellow citizen鈥攁 sister citizen鈥攖hat has to prevail. And that鈥檚 why this idea of working on a common mission together鈥攄epolarization鈥攊s what keeps us going. I鈥檓 not saying it鈥檚 easy.鈥�
But Braver Angels believes it is possible, and this 鈥渃itizens鈥� movement,鈥� as O鈥機onnor calls it, relies on the participation of 鈥渉ardcore people on the left and the right.鈥�
鈥淲e don鈥檛 want this to just be self-selecting moderates, because then it doesn鈥檛 really accomplish all that much,鈥� he says. 鈥淓veryone鈥檚 here because they want to work on the problem together. Because they have the courage to do so.鈥�
O鈥機onnor says membership in Braver Angels has grown significantly in recent months, just as political divisions in the country have grown more volatile. The organization now has about 11,000 members (membership costs just $1). A recent online event, , attracted 4,500 viewers from across the country, with some overseas.
While leadership positions in Braver Angels are evenly split among Red and Blue volunteers, O鈥機onnor says, overall, participants tend to be older, more liberal, and typically White. The organization is working to attract more diverse members, including conservatives, but also Black, Indigenous, and other people of color, as well as LGBTQ+ Americans.
John Wood, a Braver Angels National Ambassador, acknowledges that members of marginalized communities may be reluctant to participate in political conversations with people of opposing beliefs because 鈥渆ngagement in such spaces may be at best unproductive and at worst unsafe.鈥�
But in an attempt to reach marginalized communities, Braver Angels has produced content on subjects like , featured dialogues between (both liberal and conservative), and held community debates on .
While Braver Angels has yet to reach the millions of Americans who play a role in the nation鈥檚 fracture, the organization is also looking to attract what O鈥機onnor calls the 鈥渆xhausted majority.鈥�
鈥淚 think a lot of people have really reached a breaking point where they understand that the consequences of polarization are not just more divided citizens, but actually increasing levels of political violence,鈥� O鈥機onnor says.
This proved true in the first week of 2021, when a violent mob attacked the U.S. Capitol during the Electoral College certification process鈥攁 new flashpoint in America鈥檚 escalating division.
In a Zoom call three days after the violence, Cotter and Ward had drawn no closer politically. Ward focused largely on the actions of those on the left, and said of the people who committed the violence, 鈥淢aybe they weren鈥檛 all Trump supporters.鈥�
Cotter responded by saying: 鈥淚t seems like we鈥檙e living in two different realities. It sounds like you鈥檙e saying things that are not real. [Trump and his surrogates] were telling people what to do, and that is indeed an insurrection. That is the literal definition of what has been happening.鈥�
From their divided realities, the two friends managed to end the call by tempering their frustration and exhaustion with a note of hope.
鈥淥n this, we鈥檙e very far apart, and the country is very far apart,鈥� Cotter said, 鈥渂ut I think we can come together, and that we will come together, whether it鈥檚 addressing this pandemic or trying to work on depolarization, or digging out of a snow storm.鈥� Ward laughed when Cotter mentioned the weather鈥攁 topic that seems to bring the two back into alignment.
鈥淪he thinks I鈥檓 wrong, and I think she鈥檚 wrong,鈥� Ward says, 鈥渂ut it鈥檚 not going to be a friendship-ender.鈥�
This story was published in partnership with .
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Cecily Sailer
writes for Resolve Magazine.
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Jim Tuttle
is a documentary visual storyteller, co-founder of Scale Storytelling聽and a senior multimedia producer with Resolve Magazine.
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