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Here鈥檚 something fascinating about stories that recount a major change of heart. Like the one of C.P. Ellis, a White member of the KKK, and Ann Atwater, a Black community activist, who in 1971 were thrown together as co-chairs of a group focused on school desegregation in Durham, North Carolina. Initially mistrustful of one another, they soon saw how much they had in common. Eventually, Ellis renounced his Klan membership and the two became close friends.

Or the one about John Robbins, the animal rights activist, who tells of visiting a pig farmer who housed his livestock in cramped, inhumane conditions. Over dinner and conversation, the farmer鈥攁 stoic, rigid man鈥攂roke down, remembering his grief over having to kill a pet pig as a child. Eventually, Robbins reports, the man abandoned pig farming altogether.

What brings about these kind of deep changes?

We all have closely held beliefs that form the basis of much of our thinking and actions. What does it take to shift them鈥攁nd how can others facilitate the process?

I鈥檓 asking this as we enter the 2020 campaign season and a presidential election that is probably the most significant in a generation. Sure, it鈥檚 important to respect others鈥� opinions; none of us has the corner on the truth, and we can have wildly different ideas about which policies are best for the country. But racism, sexism, xenophobia, meanness, hate? No. Those are never acceptable responses.

So whether you鈥檙e talking to your Trump-loving father-in-law, a neighbor who repeats Fox News talking points about 鈥渃riminal鈥� children detained at the border, or a friend from college who鈥檚 been grumbling about 鈥渨elfare freeloaders,鈥� it鈥檚 fair to try and change their minds.

The question is, how?

First, don鈥檛 look to facts to do the trick, researchers say. As compelling as they may be, facts aren鈥檛 how we fundamentally build our opinions. 鈥淧eople think they think like scientists, but they really think a lot like attorneys,鈥� says Pete Ditto, a professor of psychological science at the University of California, Irvine. That is, rather than developing our beliefs based on the best available facts, most of us decide what we believe and then select the facts that support it. So when we hear arguments that don鈥檛 align with our beliefs, we tend to disregard them.

That鈥檚 because we develop our beliefs through our feelings, not our brains. And that鈥檚 how we鈥檙e changed as well: by connecting with others and having an emotional experience.

The most basic way to shift someone鈥檚 thinking, particularly about a specific population, is to put them in a mixed group鈥攁 concept that鈥檚 known in psychology circles as the contact hypothesis. Developed in 1954 by social psychologist Gordon Allport and widely accepted, the hypothesis states that under certain conditions, interpersonal contact is the best way to reduce prejudice between members of a group. In 2006, researchers Thomas Pettigrew and Linda Tropp convincingly showed that Allport鈥檚 conditions weren鈥檛 actually necessary; mixing between groups could reduce prejudice even if all of Allport鈥檚 conditions weren鈥檛 met. And the positive effect of contact grows stronger with closer relationships.

鈥淭he more contact we have, the less anxious we feel about being with people who are different from us, and the more able we are to empathize with them in terms of what they鈥檙e going through,鈥� explains Tropp, who is now a psychology professor at the University of Massachusetts Amherst and continues to focus on the topic.

It鈥檚 a particularly significant finding today, when many of us live in segregated societies with people who look and think and earn just like we do. If we don鈥檛 interact with people who are different from us, we increasingly rely on stereotypes to explain them.

鈥淏ecause it鈥檚 not based on our personal experience, those other people are too easily regarded as irrelevant to us,鈥� explains Tropp. 鈥淏ut what happens when we get to know other groups personally is they start to matter to us; they鈥檙e no longer abstract ideas to us. And once we see them as fully human, we begin to see that they deserve the same treatment that we get.鈥�

One answer, then, is to befriend people who disagree with you and connect folks who might not otherwise meet. Or encourage others to join you in reaching out to different groups of people鈥攖hrough civic or religious organizations, social activities, or community efforts.

But it鈥檚 also possible to take a more active role in aiming to change someone鈥檚 mind, using conversation. The approach, though, is key: if they鈥檙e on the defensive, people generally won鈥檛 shift their positions. So, that means those vicious Twitter debates aren鈥檛 budging anyone.

Instead, says Justine Lee, 鈥渋t鈥檚 about really developing trust between two people: hearing each other out, internalizing what鈥檚 being said before making judgments.鈥� Lee鈥檚 organization, Make America Dinner Again (MADA), was established in the wake of the 2016 presidential election and brings together liberals and conservatives over a two-and-a-half to three-hour dinner. The group focuses on increasing understanding, not changing minds, but the process is similar.

Lee, like other leaders of similar groups, emphasizes that building a personal connection is a crucial step in cultivating a productive conversation. After all, people鈥檚 beliefs, no matter how abhorrent, usually come from an emotional place. We may forget that in the heat of the moment, but treating someone respectfully鈥攁sking questions, truly listening to the answers, and talking about our own feelings鈥攚ill be vastly more productive.

鈥淚 think the best way to change minds is to see each other鈥檚 humanity,鈥� says Joan Blades, co-founder of Living Room Conversations, an open-source group that, like MADA, gathers Democrats and Republicans for dialogue. 鈥淚 often talk about attitudes softening鈥濃�攐n both sides鈥斺�渨hen we understand why people feel the way they do.鈥�

Lee tells a story of two men who forged an unlikely friendship over a series of dinners hosted by MADA. One was an older White Trump supporter; the other was a liberal trans man who鈥檇 been adopted from Korea. They bonded over fatherhood and similarities in their backgrounds. And because of that connection, they were able to discuss more loaded issues, like Charlottesville鈥檚 鈥淯nite the Right鈥� rally that had occurred shortly before one of the dinners.

鈥淚t was clear they didn鈥檛 agree, but they were hugging each other,鈥� says Lee. The older man said he鈥檇 never met someone who was transgender鈥攁nd while he probably wasn鈥檛 going to change his fundamental stance, Lee says, knowing the younger man had obviously affected his outlook. 鈥淚t鈥檚 a reminder that humans are nuanced and complex,鈥� says Lee. 鈥淎s soon as you meet someone, there are things that can soften your thinking about them.鈥�

A narrative can be a powerful way to shift someone鈥檚 thinking. The Richmond, Virginia, chapter of Coming to the Table, a national organization aimed at dismantling racism, hosts film and book clubs and has found them to be particularly useful.

鈥淧eople, in my experience, are changed more by stories than they are by arguments,鈥� says Marsha Summers, one of the book club鈥檚 leaders. Her co-leader, Cheryl Goode, agrees: 鈥淚 think real changing of minds happens because we learn the perspective of other people.鈥�

One new method combines all of those elements鈥攃ontact, trust, and storytelling鈥攖o explicitly, successfully change minds. Deep canvassing is a door-to-door technique developed in 2015 that鈥檚 been proven to shift opinions on particular issues, with effects that last for months. Rather than running from house to house with a 60-second script, canvassers engage respondents in longer conversations: asking about residents鈥� link to the issue at hand, talking honestly about their own experiences, and connecting on shared fundamental values.

鈥淲e鈥檙e trying to really understand what motivates [voters],鈥� says Adam Barbanel-Fried. Barbanel-Fried is the director of Changing the Conversation Together (CTC), an organization that鈥檚 ramping up to train and lead a national corps of deep canvassers supporting Democratic candidates. For that, he says, 鈥渨e find storytelling to be the most effective tool: to offer a little bit of vulnerability and show the voter that we鈥檙e not going to judge them. It鈥檚 through those kind of stories that you get people opening up.鈥�

Barbanel-Fried says he鈥檚 stood in doorways and talked about his family鈥檚 experiences with anti-Semitism鈥攁nd in response, residents have often responded with their own jarring stories of encountering hate or xenophobia. Many, at the end of a conversation, report that they鈥檙e now more likely to vote for a Democratic candidate who supports civil liberties.

But that specific outcome isn鈥檛 the only one that matters, says Carol Smolenski, a dedicated CTC volunteer. 鈥淓ven if I wasn鈥檛 able to get someone to say that I鈥檇 moved them down the scale to be more likely to vote for a Democrat, I had a feeling that I certainly gave them something to think about that they haven鈥檛 thought about.鈥�

That鈥檚 the thing about changing minds: it might not happen right away. But even if you don鈥檛 see an obvious, immediate change, hardcore beliefs may already have begun to crumble.

And that鈥檚 a start.