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I love sex.

I鈥檓 63, and I love sex.

I鈥檝e never wanted to be married or have children. I adore being single, I cannot wait to die alone, and I date younger men.

I鈥檓 outspoken about all this because we don鈥檛 have enough role models who demonstrate how to live fulfilling lives outside dominant social expectations. I鈥檓 one of the happiest people I know.

I began dating younger men 20 years ago, accidentally. My ad agency was asked to pitch for an online dating brand. To experience the client鈥檚 product鈥攁nd the competitive landscape鈥擨 had to date online. I was honest in my profile about everything, including my age. To my surprise, I was inundated with messages from much younger men. I hadn鈥檛 previously considered this as a dating strategy, but thought, Hey, works for me! I鈥檝e been happily dating younger men ever since.

Dating younger men changed my life. Sex with younger men delivered what I like鈥攍ots of stamina and short recovery periods. But their behavior in bed also brought home something else: When we don鈥檛 talk about sex in the real world, porn becomes sex education by default鈥攁nd not in a good way. 

in 2009 as an educational website contrasting 鈥減orn world鈥� with 鈥渞eal world.鈥� In response, thousands of people from around the world poured their hearts out to me over email, sharing things about their sex lives and porn-watching habits they鈥檇 never told anyone. I realized I鈥檇 uncovered a huge global social issue. So I turned MakeLoveNotPorn into the world鈥檚 first user-generated, human-curated, social sex-video-sharing platform. Our slogan is 鈥淧ro-sex. Pro-porn. Pro-knowing the difference.鈥� 

If porn is the Hollywood blockbuster movie, MakeLoveNotPorn is the documentary鈥攁n honest, unique window into the funny, messy, loving, wonderful sex we all have in the real world. The platform normalizes and destigmatizes sex: It provides sex education through real-world demonstration.

I designed this online space to celebrate the full, glorious spectrum of human sexuality. Our members and our MakeLoveNotPornstars (as we call our contributors) are all ages. Our many older members tell us how much they appreciate that we showcase the natural human desire to have really great sex for as long as we possibly can. 

In service of even more older people having even more hot sex, I asked our older MakeLoveNotPornstars to share their advice for ensuring great sex in your later years: 

Communication is key

Great sex comes out of great communication. My confidence in being explicit about what I enjoy (and don鈥檛) has increased with age, and I see the same in our older MakeLoveNotPornstars. Our #senior videos are often tagged #chatty, proving that talking is one of the hottest things you can do in bed.

Embrace sexual values

MakeLoveNotPorn exists to demonstrate that values like empathy, sensitivity, generosity, kindness, honesty, trust, and respect are as important in bed as they are in every other area of life. Couples who have been married for 20 years, are still having great sex, and are sharing it on MakeLoveNotPorn model trust, openness, and honesty that benefits our entire community.

What makes you hot is you

Popular culture sends us daily messages claiming we are not desirable unless we are conventionally attractive, skinny, and above all, young. But what attracts someone to you is you鈥攜our unique being. And that makes your body hot as hell to them, because it鈥檚 yours. The sexiness of older bodies鈥攁nd the love and appreciation expressed by and for these bodies鈥攑ositively radiates through the screen in our videos, as it should for real-world bodies at every age.

Pleasure is adaptable 

There is no 鈥渙ne size fits all鈥� approach for having great sex or for navigating how it changes as we age. Our older MakeLoveNotPornstars candidly share how they manage their sex lives through menopause, chronic pain, reduced flexibility, and increased sensitivity. The wonderful truth is that these changes drive exploration and experimentation. A happily married couple in their 50s wrote to us, describing how the husband had survived prostate cancer but was left with permanent erectile dysfunction. Their therapist recommended MakeLoveNotPorn. The couple told us their sex life was now the best it had ever been in their 27 years together鈥攂ecause we had helped them explore all the wonderful ways for partners to enjoy themselves and each other without penetration.

There is no 鈥榦ne size fits all鈥� approach for having great sex or for navigating how it changes as we age.鈥�

At MakeLoveNotPorn, we鈥檙e changing the culture around sex. We鈥檙e showing the world that the older you get, the better life gets, and the better sex gets. As one member wrote to us: 鈥淚鈥檓 73 years old and have been made to feel like a dirty old man for the sexual desires I still have. But isn鈥檛 sexual fulfillment, when shared in consensual relationships, one of the real joys of human life? Thank you for providing a community that helps me feel I鈥檓 still a vital, sexual human being.鈥� 

As are we all.