猫咪社区

The morning of Renee Bracey Sherman鈥檚 abortion, the thing she fretted about the most was what to wear to her procedure. Should I wear comfy clothes that are easy to remove? But what if I look messy鈥攚ill they think I am not taking this seriously? If I get too dressed up, am I going to be out of place? Do I have to take off all my clothes, the way I would for surgery, or just the bottoms, like at a gyno exam?

At first, getting in this much of a tizzy over what to wear to an abortion might seem silly or frivolous. But as Bracey Sherman talked to more people about their abortion experiences, she found that worrying about what to wear was quite common. It is the manifestation of uncertainty that stems from near-constant abortion stigma and lack of knowledge and expectations.

鈥淚 wish I had known鈥� is a common refrain. Despite abortion being a near-universal experience, it can be hard to find advice that resonates. That鈥檚 the reason we believe a critical part of sharing our abortion stories and changing the narrative is sharing abortion wisdom.

Somatics coach, artist, and abortion storyteller Nik Zaleski taught Bracey Sherman about abortion wisdom鈥攖he advice that those of us who鈥檝e had abortions impart to one another to try to make the path forward a little easier for those coming after us. These are the little tips and tricks we鈥檝e learned from experience or that someone passed along to us鈥攖he little touches of care that we know to provide when showing up for one another, because we鈥檝e been there, too.

We hope you can create an abortion experience that鈥檚 meaningful for you based on the advice of those of us who鈥檝e been there. Although we can鈥檛 pick out your appointment outfit for you, we hope you鈥檒l pick out clothes you feel confident in as you begin this next chapter of life.

Confirm What You鈥檝e Suspected

There are a lot of reproductive conditions that mimic pregnancy symptoms, so first and foremost, confirm your pregnancy with a test. Pregnancies can be confirmed through a blood test at a clinic or hospital or by using a urine sample with an over-the-counter pregnancy test at least one week after missing an anticipated period.

Also, despite what the marketing suggests, the cheap pregnancy tests from the dollar store work just as well as the expensive ones at the pharmacy or grocery store, so grab whatever feels right for you and your budget. You may want to pick up more than one in case you don鈥檛 believe the positive result of the first one, which is quite common, or in case you take the test too early after your missed period and you need to test again in a few days.

We suggest picking up at least two鈥攐ne to confirm the pregnancy now and another to confirm you are no longer pregnant a month or so after your abortion. But if you don鈥檛 believe the first positive test, get as many as you want. They鈥檒l all say the same thing: It might be time to schedule an abortion.

You should be wary of free pregnancy tests. Anti-abortion crisis pregnancy centers love to advertise free pregnancy tests to entice you to stop in, only to use the opportunity to proselytize, slut-shame, and misinform you. A lot of really wonderful community organizations, clinics, and abortion funds give out free pregnancy tests because they know tests are expensive鈥攕o free isn鈥檛 always bad. But if you鈥檙e looking for a free test, be mindful about who is giving it out.

Cover Your Tracks

Depending on whom you live with, where you live, and a whole host of other factors, you should be careful about whom you text with, what you search on the internet, and what information about your condition and decision you share.

As Texas-based organizer and We Testify storyteller Nancy C谩rdenas Pe帽a explained, it鈥檚 often the people who are closest to us who put us at deeper risk. She knows this from experience: 鈥淚 wish I could have had more time to disclose my abortion story in the manner I felt comfortable with just as anyone should be able to share their story on their own terms.鈥�

Surveillance is a reality of life now and can lead to criminalization for people seeking abortions. Even if you end up not having an abortion, you should be careful about your digital footprint throughout your process.

Talk to people on the phone or in person rather than in writing. Try to use messaging apps with encrypted or disappearing messages or those that don鈥檛 allow screenshots. Delete your call log history. Clear the browser history of the search engine you use, or use a private browser that doesn鈥檛 save or track your history. Use a lock on your phone and computer so that others can鈥檛 look at your messages or browser history when you鈥檙e not watching. Protecting your communications can help keep you safe.

Get Your Money Right

One of the most challenging aspects of obtaining an abortion is paying for it. The cost of an abortion (depending on how far along you are and the method) can range from $150 to well over $15,000. If you鈥檙e seeking a first-trimester appointment at a clinic in the United States, the average cost is $500. On top of that, you may have to pay for short- or long-distance transportation to and from the clinic, a multi-night hotel stay, meals, childcare, and pain medications. Some state and federal policies ban private and public health insurance from covering abortions. If you are going to a clinic, ask if they accept insurance鈥攕ome do not.

Prepare for Your Abortion

It鈥檚 common to feel scared or embarrassed about asking questions during a medical appointment, even when it鈥檚 not an abortion. But the answers to your questions can put you at ease, so muster your courage and ask questions so you can feel as comfortable and informed as possible.

Travel Planning

If you鈥檙e traveling for your abortion, save all important phone numbers, including the numbers for the clinic, abortion fund case manager, practical support volunteer, or any other emergency contacts. Download maps to your phone so you can access them offline if cell service is slow or unavailable. Familiarize yourself with directions to and from the airport or train station so you know where you鈥檒l need to go to catch your ride smoothly.

Getting to Your Appointment

Arranging a ride to your abortion can be complicated, because you have to trust someone else with your experience, and they may need to travel across state lines with you. If you trust a friend enough, this is a good opportunity for a bestie road trip. If you have the cash, you can always take a cab or use an app service to book a car, but remember there may be a digital history of your ride to the clinic. If you need to enter a destination digitally, instead of using the clinic鈥檚 address, try choosing a spot nearby.

Local abortion funds and practical support organizations can arrange volunteers to drive you from your home, work, airport, or train station鈥攖ruly wherever!鈥攖o your appointment and back.

Be vigilant for police outside of the clinic or Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents, who set up traps on thoroughfares and near clinics, schools, and hospitals to detain and arrest Black and Brown people, undocumented immigrants, and other marginalized groups. This step is critical if you鈥檙e crossing checkpoints or borders or if you live in or near heavily policed communities. The morning of your appointment, you might want to check with your community and trusted immigration organizations that document ICE checkpoints.

When you arrive for your appointment, double-check to make sure the place you鈥檙e headed to is indeed the clinic. Anti-abortion crisis pregnancy centers often set up next door to abortion clinics, or an anti-abortion clinic may have a name similar to the name of the exact clinic you鈥檙e trying to get to. There are often anti-abortion protesters outside of clinics who scream and yell at anyone walking near the abortion clinic, in hopes of scaring people out of going inside or disorienting them so they walk into the wrong place.

Call 鈥淵our Person鈥�

In the first season of Grey鈥檚 Anatomy, Dr. Cristina Yang (Sandra Oh) sits at a bar with Dr. Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo) as they grieve their failing love lives over snacks. Cristina is pregnant and has an abortion scheduled, but according to clinic policy, she needed to designate an emergency contact on her form, so she wrote down Meredith鈥檚 name. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 why I told you I鈥檓 pregnant,鈥� Cristina tells Meredith. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e my person.鈥� Meredith hugs her friend, who receives the hug reluctantly. 鈥淪hut up. I鈥檓 your person,鈥� Meredith replies.

This short scene in the iconic long-running television show created a beloved shorthand for best friends who promise to show up for one another, no matter what. That it grew out of a supportive abortion decision is just the icing on the cake for us. 

Like Cristina, you may want to identify 鈥測our person鈥� to check in on you, hold your hand in the waiting room, or sit with you as you pass the pregnancy while binge-watching Grey鈥檚 Anatomy. Ask your clinic whether you can bring a friend or loved one with you. 

You might be a little dizzy after the sedation or cramping a bit if you have an in-clinic procedure, so we recommend having someone else drive you home. We Testify abortion storyteller Cazembe Murphy Jackson suggests finding someone who can attend the procedure with you and be with you in the days following. 鈥淢aybe plan out some restful activities that you really like to do or that will keep you happy鈥攕hows you want to watch, stuff like that. I think that would have been really helpful for me,鈥� he explained.

If you鈥檙e having your abortion at home, you may want to call on someone from your community to sit with you through the process. They can help you get to and from the toilet, clean up, make food, and dote on you as you deserve.

Ask for What You Need

As wonderful as abortion providers are, some are still learning how to better care for patients with disabilities, those who are fat, survivors, or nonbinary or trans people, to name a few identities. Be ready to tell your provider what you need in order to have an abortion experience that is right for you. If your body doesn鈥檛 move in a particular way or you do not like body parts to be touched or referred to in a certain way, tell your providers during the counseling conversation.

You may also want to remind them your body requires a different dosage of pain medication compared with other patients. Good providers will be accommodating of your needs. While it is unfortunate you may have to be the one to initiate, you deserve an abortion experience that centers you.

Adapted excerpt from . Reprinted with the permission of the publisher Amistad, an imprint of HarperCollins. Copyright 漏 2024 by Renee Bracey Sherman and Regina Mahone.